Today is a day for venting. Today is a day for emotional release. Moms need, wait, no, EVERYBODY needs the freedom of a rant every now and then, right? When I am tired and frustrated, I get ‘punchy’ (a term my husband and I use for this mood). Almost everything out of our mouths is dripping with sarcasm with a hint of bitterness and defeatism. While we don’t actually think this way normally, it helps us to laugh a lot and get through the general cloud of the over exhaustion of parenthood. So in a punchy mood, I wrote this letter to any and all of my sons.
My Dear Screaming Toddler,
I am doing my best here. I’m sorry that I cannot make food appear the instant that you desire it. I know how frustrating it is that it takes 15 minutes to make macaroni and cheese from scratch, especially because you love the neon-orange powdered-cheese kind better. I understand why you have thrown yourself on to the ground in a fit of despair because the waiting is too much to handle. That cracker I foolishly offered was not what you were expecting so I get why you took it, threw it on the ground and stomped on it. Also, would you mind clarifying what kind of oranges you like? Yesterday, you ate the mandarin oranges from the can and loved them, but today you despise them. Last week, I gave you peeled oranges and you would not eat them. I gave them to you today instead of the mandarins and you kept asking for more. I just want to get it right, OK?
Also, I know it was my fault for not wiping your nose sooner. I know how much it bothers you when I try to get the crusty, dried, snot off your face but I guess it was the way you convulsed and threw your body around like a wild animal when I tried to clean it before that made me wait.
I do deeply apologize for changing your diaper after you have pooped. I know how very inconvenient it is for you to stop playing so that I can have my face a foot from your feces, wrestle you whilst trying not to get poop anywhere else on you or the world, and to then re-dress you in spite of your great desire to then, stay undressed. Next time, just poop in the bath because that is so much easier and more fun for everyone.
Please do remember that I am just trying to help you get your rest when I put you down for nap or bedtime. I get why sitting still and being quiet for “Goodnight Moon” is a big ask, seeing as how you have played all day and you still have not used up all your energy. I’ll try to remember that you need to be covered up four separate times, not three, and that if Bear, Monkey, and Turtle are not present in your bed, to just forget the whole thing all together. I know how great an impact they have on your sleep.
Oh, and please don’t forget that you have two brothers with equally diverse and special requests that I am also trying to cater to. I know when they cry it is important that you band together and ALL cry to show a united front. I will have to try that with Daddy sometime because it seems to be a very effective method.
And lastly, I know what a difficult person I am to deal with sometimes. I am sorry when I lose my temper, mind and peace. Please know how much I love to wipe your nose, change your diaper, feed you good food that you like to eat and tuck you in at night before you go to sleep. It is a privilege to do those things, even though I don’t always get it right. Remember, I dreamed about you, hoped for you, and prayed for you, long before I knew you and while your screaming isn’t quite music to my ears, you, just as you are, made my dreams come true.
Love you forever, like you for always,
PS. I'm serious about that oranges thing. WHICH ONE IS IT??
Thanks for enduring my rant for today. Hopefully, you smiled when you read it, either remembering similar situations or being grateful that you don’t have to endure this particular reality. Feeling punchy, yourself? Write a letter of your own. It might just help you feel a little better.